Attention: I have an announcement to make… July 18, 2009

I am scared to DEATH of being in a relationship. There. I said it. Out loud in the open for all to see. They totally freak me out. I love watching others in them, seeing them have their first interaction, the girl/guy telling me about the first date. Hearing about all the firsts in relationships is always something that I love love LOVE to talk about. But for some reason, the thought of having that in my life makes me crap a brick (sorry for the description, I just don’t know how else to phrase it)

I can’t explain why. Maybe it is the lack of relationship experience has lifted the expectation bar a few notches, or it is the failed relationships of others around me that makes me wonder if it is even worth it. It could even be the amazing relationships that I have been apart of and have watched unfold that makes me wonder if there is even something like that in store for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not afraid that there isn’t someone out there for me. I know that I will be married one day and have pretty babies, yada yada yada. That is not what I am talking about at all, so we can save the “fish in the sea” metaphors for another day. I am merely saying that I am in a place in my life where my criticisms of relationships are overcoming my desire to have one.

Am I crazy to think that maybe I can have that simple relationship that I always wanted? One that I don’t have to work to gain interest, or give up things that attract me to someone to settle for mediocrity? I think that my ideals of a relationship are putting blinders on and scaring me half to death. I know relationships are never perfect. I wouldn’t want to live in a stepford wives world even if it were an option…but i never would have thought that I could be this freaked out of a relationship that I haven’t even come close to entering…

I keep telling myself that this is only a phase. And friends keep reminding me (you know who you are) that if I want to leave this phase, I have to put myself out there. I am just wondering if it is a pointless move to step out with my eyes closed…hmmm.

To all you who happened to run across this, I’m sorry. I’m usually more stable than this. To all of you who read are a frequent reader (2, maybe 3 people tops) I am equally sorry. My honest words had the better of me this post.

Until the next relationship rant…

Marriage…or something like that. June 27, 2009

Over the past few years, I have found myself having the “Am I ready for marriage” discussion in my head. It is a battle really. I am usually not a sensible person. I have my moments of sensibility, but for the most part, I think with my heart, not my head. On the days that I say yes, it is the days that I feel fully confident to be a wife. I feel mature, stable, and have a “real grasp” on life. Then, I have the days where my life feels like it is on a Roller Coaster. 0-60 in 2.3 seconds. I try to grasp on to something for support, but I can do nothing but wait til the ride of life slows down.

The conclusion I have come to is I don’t think I will ever be 100% ready for marriage. Getting married, maybe. But part of me growing into the adult that I am growing into is also finding that person who I am going to grow old with. I have always lived by the philosophy that no man can sweep me off of my feet unless I can stand on them myself. I want to be confident in who I am before I give my heart away. But there are some things about me I would like to change, that may only be able to be changed by that person I marry. Whether it is him not giving in to my italian stubbornness, or being able to calm me down when I get frustrated over absolutely nothing, I will be a different person when I get married. Maybe I will never be the exact person I am supposed to be until I meet “Him”.

The point I am trying to make is that I don’t think anyone is ever 100% READY for marriage. I think that it happens, and with it you settle into the life that is awaiting. We all have our issues to work through. I think that you have to be ready for the seriousness of marriage and you don’t want to enter in it lightly, but if you try to perfect your life before you spend the rest of your life with something, you are going to be waiting a long time.

Moral of the story- be yourself, live life to the fullest, and be ready for all the great things in store!

Moving on Vs Moving Forward June 22, 2009

For the past few days, I have been thinking about the concepts of moving on and moving forward. I have realized that I despise the phrase moving on. In fact, if it could be removed from my vocabulary all together, I think I would. Here are some of my thoughts, which you may or may not disagree with, but thats ok. We are all entitled to our own opinions…I just decided to put mine in blog form.

To move on from someone has the implication that you are moving on to better things, finding greener pastures, leaving bad things behind. But let’s just be honest with ourselves. In spite of the painful memories that often ensue after a break up, there are still things to be learned from each relationship you are in. Whether it is the character qualities you may seek, or the goals and dreams that you once had in common, there is clear reasoning why you invested time and energy into that relationship. Not everything needs to be pushed to the side as if it never happened.

This is why I firmly believe that rather than moving on, move forward from those relationships- taking the good along with the bad. It may take some deep thought, especially for those who find themselves in the dumpee category, to find the good side of the situation. Just keep in mind that although it sucks now, you will have a clearer perspective on relationships in the future because of your past relationship downfalls. No relationship is perfect. Why not take each relationship as a learning experience? It may save from some heart ache, and even benefit you in relationships to come.

Moving forward comes with this conquering mentality. No matter what the circumstance, there is no reason for this to beat you. Move forward. Be the conquerer.  I don’t see how it could hurt anything.

Bertrand Russell said, “The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge.”

Be smart. Use your head along with your heart. Move forward towards the greater things to come.